THE ASIAN DART (by Forrest Griffin)

In today’s MMA, a lot of opponents have very tight defense, especially when you take their back. To prevent you from establishing your hooks and flattening them bellydown on the mat, they’ll keep their elbows pinned to their knees. And to keep you from locking in a rear naked choke, they’ll keep their chin tucked to their chest. Although finding yourself up against such an opponent can be extremely frustrating, I have just the technique to remedy the situation. Now I have to warn you, it requires you to stick your thumb up your opponent’s arse. Wrestlers call it “Checking the Oil,” porn stars call it “The Thumb Blast.” I call it the “Asian Dart” because I like to be different. No matter what you call it, the goal is the same—startle your opponent so severely that he raises his chin and allows you to lock in the choke.

 I’m extremely frustrated. I’ve claimed Neil’s back, but he is balled up so tight I can’t do shit. I can’t secure my hooks, and I can’t lock in a choke. Extreme times call for extreme measures, so I decide to employ the infamous Asian Dart.

 Keeping my weight on Neil’s back to maintain control, I extend my left arm and point my thumb downward.

 I drive my left thumb into Neil’s ass, causing him to abandon his defensive tactics, elevate his head, and cry out in pain.

I seize the moment by wrapping my right arm around Neil’s neck. I conclude this step of the technique by pulling my thumb out of his ass.

 I grab my left biceps with my right hand, and then cup my left hand around the back of Neil’s head.

 I climb onto Neil’s back. To lock in the submission, I drive his head downward with my left hand and squeeze my arms tight. FYI, if your opponent sprawls lazily out on the mat and begins taking slow drags off a cigarette after you execute this technique, do not use it on him again.