1.3.8 Communication Is Inevitable, Irreversible, and Unrepeatable

     Communication is a process that is inevitable, irreversible, and unrepeatable. Communication messages are always being sent (or almost always), can’t be reversed or uncommunicated, and are always unique and onetime occurrences. Let’s look at these qualities in more detail.

Inevitability

     Often communication is thought of as intentional, purposeful, and consciously motivated. In many instances it is. But in other instances communication takes place even though one of the individuals does not think he or she is communicating or does not want to communicate. Put more formally, the principle of inevitability means that in any interactional situation communication will occur. Consider, for example, the student sitting in the back of the classroom with an expressionless face, perhaps staring out the window. Although the student might claim not to be communicating with the teacher, the teacher may derive any of a variety of messages from this behavior; for example, that the student lacks interest, is bored, or is worried about something. In any event, the teacher is receiving messages even though the student may not intend to communicate. In an interactional situation you can’t avoid communicating (Watzlawick, Beavin, & Jackson, 1967).
     Further, when you’re in an interactional situation you can’t avoid responding to the messages of others. For example, if you notice someone winking at you, you must respond in some way. Even if you don’t respond actively or openly, that lack of response is itself a response, and it communicates. Again, if you don’t notice the winking, then obviously communication has not occurred.

Irreversibility

     Notice that you can reverse the processes of only some systems. For example, you can turn water into ice and then the ice back into water. And you can repeat this reversal process as many times as you wish. Other systems, however, are irreversible. You can turn grapes into wine, but you can’t turn the wine back into grapes—the process can go in only one direction. Communication is such an irreversible process. Once you say something, once you press the send key on your e-mail, you can’t uncommunicate it. You can of course try to reduce the effects of your message by saying, for example, “I really didn’t mean what I said” or “I was so angry I couldn’t think straight.” But regardless of how you try to negate or reduce the effects of a message, the message itself, once it has been sent and received, can’t be reversed.
     Because of irreversibility (and unerasability in the case of much electronic communication), be careful not to say things you may be sorry for later. Especially in conflict situations, when tempers run high, avoid saying things you may later wish to withdraw. Commitment messages—“I love you” messages and their variants—also need to be monitored. And in group and public communication situations, when messages are received by many people, it’s crucial to recognize their irreversibility. Similarly, online messages (whether e-mail, blogposts, or Facebook photos) that could be interpreted as sexist, racist, homophobic, or ageist, which you thought were private or erased from your computer, may later be recalled and retrieved by others, creating all sorts of problems for you and your organization. Interestingly enough, only 55 percent of online teens say they do not post content that might reflect negatively on them in the future (Lenhart et al., 2011).

Unrepeatability

     The reason for the unrepeatability of communication is simple: Everyone and everything is constantly changing. As a result, you can never recapture the exact same situation, frame of mind, or relationship dynamics that defined a previous communication act. For example, you can never repeat meeting someone for the first time, making a first impression in an interview, or resolving a specific group problem. You can, of course, try again, as when you say, “I’m sorry I came off so forward, can we try again?” But even after you say this, you have not erased the initial impression. Instead you try to counteract this initial and perhaps negative impression by going through the motions again.